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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #1 

 

 

Now I lay me          Down to sleep          I pray the Lord           My shape to keep  

Please no wrinkles  
     Please no bags             And please lift my butt            Before it sags.  
                   

Please no age spots
      Please no gray         And as for my belly,        Please take it away.  
Please keep me healthy
       Please keep me young,  


And thank you Dear Lord  
                   


For all that you've done.

                   
         
     Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.


3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.



Foot Note:


One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't
get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."

Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day !!!



Actually, I'm proud to say that I know more than five bright, funny women, so I'm sending this to all.
  

 


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #2 

 

MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION

>  

>This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, no  one would

>have done it!!!!

>  

>  

>POSITION :

>Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

>  

>JOB DESCRIPTION:

>Long term, team players needed , for challenging permanent work in an,

>often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent

>communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable

>hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour

>shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to

>primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports

>tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

>  

>RESPONSIBILITIES:

>The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least

>temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue

>repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and

>be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this

>time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

>Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small

>gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must

>screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of

>multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize

>social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be

>willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must

>handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap,

>plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the

>best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

>Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work

>throughout the facility.

>  

>POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:

>Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years,

>without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so

>that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

>  

>PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

>None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a

>continually exhausting basis.

>  

>WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

>Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon

>payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college

>will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give

>them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary

>scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

>  

>BENEFITS:

>While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition

>reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this

>job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs

>for life if you play your cards right.

>  

>Forward this on to all the Moms you know, in appreciation for

>everything they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are

>appreciated. Plus, being a mother, I'm too tired to type every ones

>name


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Mk

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Reply with quote  #3 

Lynn

I LOVED this!!!  I have been a Mom for 28 years, I can sure relate.  I printed off a copy for myself.

Mk

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #4 

Hi Mk, (((( Smiles ))))

 

I'm glad you liked it...

If I find anymore fun things like this......

I'll place it here....

I'm a Mom too.....

Not allways an easy job...

But a job neverless...

Opps.. Wait a minute.. How come the pictures are gone..

Replaced by X's... Do I have to recopy or what happened.. 

Oh.. Now the pictures are back....


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Danastics007

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Reply with quote  #5 
Ha Ha, you make me look forwad to motherhood!!!
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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #6 

Hi There.. (((( Smiles ))))

 

Your so young.. You got your whole life ahead of you before you

have to worry about that.. But I think most parents and I hope all

parents would say this..

 

That haveing children do come with it's rewards..

Because hopefull we love them so much....  


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Maree

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Reply with quote  #7 
My boys are 4 & 7 now and most of the time they cope really well with my illness, with occasional bouts of anger at the limitations it imposes.

They produce amazing amounts of noise, but when I have other children to visit I realise that there noise level is very toned down compared to there peers.

I love the times when my illness isn't the dominant factor in there lives and hate the times when it rules all.

Thankfully despite our horror year they are doing really well and there are no signs of any ill effects on them.

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #8 

Hi Maree, (((( Smiles )))

 

I just came on for a few minutes and I'm glad I did..

I saw your post... My twin Gals were like 6/7 when my ears first

started acting up..

It's hard when they are so young and then you get

sick and can't be there for them like you want to be....

 

I think it was hard on them too that I couldn't be around them at all at

one time.. And spent alot of that time in an upstairs bedroom alone...

My one daughter had a booming bassy voice and is very loud at times.

My other one had a high pitched squeeky voice but she talked in lower

tones a softer voice... 

so I eventually was able to spend more time with her then..

the other one who I just couldn't be around at all for a longer period of time... at one time...

 

Though the squeeky voice was hard on my ears as well and sounded really sharp.. 

And sometimes she just had to leave my space when I couldn't take anymore.

But we made it through somehow and I did my sound therapy at home and improved overtime till where I am today..

Where I can be around about anything..

 

Tonight we will be watching music video's for mellowing out time...

Since I started music therapy so many years ago.. I make music a

part of my life in the same fashion.. Keeping my ears up though I stoped

listen to pink noise long ago.. I keep it around just in case I ever need to

go back to it again.. So far knock on word... But found some mellow

music like Barry mantalo or Celion Dion I forget how to spell their names..

 

Plus earth wind and fire and Journey , stylistics..

Just more mellow type's of music on DVD's for nighttime winding down...

Got an assortment..

 

I use to listen to Shania Twain alot at one time.. 

She helped bring my tolerances up at one time just useing her DVD as music therapy when my ears were much stronger for it...

 

I had to deal with the occasional bouts of anger with hyperacusis as

well.. Hyperacusis is really hard..

The limitations and the noise's even non noise when a person is real sensitive others makes..

it just really effects every part of your life..

you know it and so do it..

I've been through it as well....  (((((( Smiles ))))) 

             

 


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #9 

Hi Maree, (((( Smiles )))

 

I forgot to say.. Laurel and Hardy..

They have some silent movies from 1918 and the 20's you can get on DVD.

Probably video tape as well.. Some of them are completely silent..

No sound.. Some are silent except like ragtime piano music..

But it's a great nightime DVD because it's like so quiet...

For kids wind down time.. And their so funny too...

First you let them get out the energy with a nice music DVD..

I'm glad my kids like more mellow type like music as well so I can enjoy it too.. 

 

It's a great compromise to let them have enjoyable music but a better pick then on MTV...

Then after all that.... Laurel and Hardy is great for the winddown..

 

I little little rascals as well.. Interesting and more quiet and relaxing..

I think I'm going to see If I can find some Abbot and Costello comedy

as well... I just need to get creative at night...  (((( Smiles )))) 

 

Oh Maree.. This is a good one that just came in..

What does love mean to a child...

It's so cute...


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #10 

What does Love mean?  Perspective of a child. 

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"  The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:



"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4




"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6  

(or popcorn) 



"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4  

 

 

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8 



"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7




"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"


Emily - age 8




"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)




"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6


(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #11 

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7




"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6




"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."


Cindy - age 8




"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."


Clare - age 6




"Love is  when Daddy  gives  Mommy  the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5




"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7




"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4




"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4




"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an imagination)

Karen - age 7




"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6




"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8



And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry”


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Yasmin

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Reply with quote  #12 

Awe.... how beautiful, brought a tear to my eyes...

 

"I just helped him cry".  That's the beauty of a child's view of the world, so simple yet us being adults we have all but lost that simplicity which makes the world beautiful and wondrous.

 

And... that gave me a laugh about the 'saggy boobs' joke...

 

These are nice post snippets to lift our day.

Thank you Lynn


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #13 

Hi Yasmin, (((( Smiles )))

 

I'm so glad.. When I saw it.. I thought it was so cute myself.

I had to share it with you all.. So you like the saggy boobs joke..

That happens to us all eventually if we live long enough..

 

And to all you 100 year old women out there with no saggy boobs..

Shame on you.. Thats not fair to the rest of us... remember gravity..

We have to live with it too..

 

What you wrote about trees..

That reminds me of something I read from a Rabbi in the newspaper..

It was really interesting reading as well..

But you know I just love interesting reading..

Did you read it in one of my threads about the Rabbi who is informing

about loud music at.. Oh.. I forget the word.. It's not like in church..

It's their oh.. Oh well.. Like church but it's loud like an organ can

be in church as well...

 

But that Rabbi he sure told it like it is..

Do no harm.. turn down the sound.....

You should see his website..

He's tough but right about others hearing..

You Take Care..

If any more come around like that...

I'll put it here... (((( Smiles ))))  

 

 


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #14 

This is from "The Power of Intention" by Dr. Wayne Dyer,

shown on PBS.


WOULD YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME CHOICE?
You make the choice. Don't look for a punch line.

There isn't one. Read it anyway.

My question to you is: Would you have made the same choice?
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children,

the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a
question.

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature
does is done with perfection.

Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do.

He cannot understand things as other children do.

Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. "I believe, that when a child like Shay comes
into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents
itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past
apark where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"

Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like
Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were
allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging.

 

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters
into his own hands and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in
the eighth inning.

I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat

in the ninth inning."


In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but
was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the
outfield.
Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be
in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father
waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with
two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and
Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the
game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.

 

Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly,much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few
steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make
contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.

As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground
ball right back to the pitcher.

The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown
the ball to the first baseman.

Shay would have been out and that would havebeen the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a
high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.
Everyone started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!"
Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base.

He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!"
By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag,
but he understood the pitcher's intentions and intentionally threw the ball
high and far over the third-baseman's head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously
circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned
him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third!"

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, "Shay,
runhome!"

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero
who hit the "grand slam" and won the game for his team.

"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his
face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and
humanity into this world."

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of
jokes through the e-mail without a second thought,

 

but when it comes to sending messages about life choices,

people think twice about sharing.

The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace,
but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools
and workplaces.

Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a
difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to
help realize the "natural order of things."

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us
with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up
that opportunity, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

You now have two choices:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You already know the choice I opted for.

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly.

 

Shays Story...  ((((( Smiles ))))


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Maree

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Reply with quote  #15 
The ray of light from my illness came in a generous gift from a friend.
My friend Jo offered to care for my 3 year old one day a week.

This was a major load for Jo as she had a very bad back and a 3 year old of her own with Autism, assessed as moderate with ~18 mnth developmental delay at 3 1/2.

Liam had always been the child Jake was best able to relate to, and if the two of them were 1 on 1, Jake was able to play with Liam (not something he could do with other children at the time).

To Jo & my delight she found that with Liam present she could get Jake to do a huge range of things that had not been possible before: sit at table and eat; wash his hands when he went to the toilet; look at books; use playground equipment;draw.  Jake blossomed enormously in the 6 months Jo cared for Liam one day a week and even started to relate better with other children.

Even though I'm well enough to take care of Liam (mostly now), we continue to see Jo & Jake 3 times a week - Tues Swimming, Thursday Bible Study & on Sunday's my husband takes the boys to church.  The developmental gap between them seems less severe all the time.

In January Jake & Liam started 4 year old kinda together.  The first two weeks the normal teacher was away.  The staff knew they were expecting an autistic child, but failed to realise that it was Jake.  What they saw was a happy normal child who fitted in well.  Jake plays well with Liam at kinda, but plays well with other children too.  In his month there he has made some close friends.

I spoke to the teacher last week on progress and she commented that Jake is not the child she was expecting based on his paperwork.  I am thrilled that my illness and the time Liam spent with Jo & Jake played such a pivotal role in helping him to overcome his autism and I hope that there friendship will continue to strengthen them both.


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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #16 
Hi Maree, (((( Smiles ))))
 
Thats interesting.. I believe a mentor and a friend does help
one grow..
That's kind of like what goes on between my higher function
child and my more severe one..
She's her sisters mentor..
Will write more later.....
 
Thank You For Shareing Maree...

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #17 
O.K. Yasmin you liked the saggy boobs joke..
Which if you live long enough....
Happens to us all eventually...
 
And Maree said if I find anything more...
Well so far nothing like that but I did find this..
Now realize this is just a wild theory of Ray Orrock...
About the big bang theory....
And no way do I believe the universe came into being by this..
But he thinks so........
Could he be serious ??????????
Or is he just pulling our leg a bit..... (((( Smiles))))
Rays Theory......

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #18 
Swain Sneezes , Creates Universe...
 
By Ray Orrock
 
People are allways asking me:
" Say , Ray, where did the universe come from anyway ?"
And lately I don't know what to tell them.
Thats because scientists seem to be comeing out with a new
origin of - the- universe theory every week.
 
For a long time , I relied on the big bang theory,
which holds that everything began with an enormous explosion
and that the universe at it's birth was hotter than an Arabian
car seat.
 
But recently some physicists have advanced the theory that the
universe was not created in intense heat , but in extreme cold--
specifically , a superdense sea of cold quarks.
 
That had not occured to me...
 
One Reason it hadn't occured to me is that I have no idea what a cold
quark is.
Or a hot quark , for that matter.
There weren't any quarks when I went to school
( with the possible exception of a kid named Leon in the seventh grade. )
 
The smallest things we knew about was molecules ,
which were so small you could hurt your eyes trying to see one.
Just as we'd gotten use to the idea , the physicists came along
and said :
" You think molecules are small ?
 Atoms are even smaller !
 So are protons and electrons ! "
And a short time later they came running by again,
shouting, " Hold it ! Hold it !
We just found a subatomic particule !"
 
Now they're down to quarks ,
and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if next Tuesday
they came out with something called a whang or a gurkle. 

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #19 
Maybe the universe did start out cold and then expirence
what they term " a sudden glitch upward in temperature. "
I could understand that.
 
I've occasionally expirenced a glitch upward in temperture myself--
usually while watching a Sophia Loren movie --
but I wish they would just settle on one theory and stick with it .
 
Some years ago, in fact,
I came up with my own explanation for the origin of the universe.
I call it the Giant Swain theory..
 
I think that once there was this huge swan,
floating serenely on an enormous pool of black water.
One day , about 20 bazillion years ago,
the giant swain puts it's bill into the pool to get a drink of water,
and - just as it was about to swallow--
sneezed..
 
Millions of tiny droplets shot up into the heavens,
and when they hit the extreme cold of outer space,
they froze---
to create the stars and the planets and the galaxies that still
twinkle in the night skies.
( Music up and out. )
 
Isn't that a nice story ?
 
And I'm happy to tell you that the swain is still floating
around out there in some cosmic pool ,
with cosmic weeping willows and a cosmic moon overhead.
 
The important point is that the Giant Swain theory is just as good..
In my opinion ,
as the Big Bang theory or whatever else they come out with next week.
Maybe better.
It doesn't have any quarks or glitches,
or any blasts of extreme heat.
 
It doesn't have any loud noises, either,
which tend to frighten people like me...
 
Hum.... Is Ray hyperacustic.....
or just a very creative person instead.... 
Interesting concept indeed...
Never heard of that one before.....
 
 
 

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Yasmin

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Reply with quote  #20 
The Giant Swan...

That would make a beautiful children's story - have you ever thought about writing children's stories Lynn?

Yasmin

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #21 

Hi Yasmin, ((( Smiles )))

You're right..
That would make a good childrens story as children do like swains..
But I didn't write that...
The name of the author is included above..
He's a columist and about the funniest one around..
I've been reading his articules for years..
He's got an interesting observation view on lots of subjects..
You name it he does an abstract on everything...
In life... 
The picture of himself in his columne show him with a jolly laugh..
He's a kidder not a serious guy in the least..
Now that guy could write about ... just about anything..
I bet he's the life of any party except he's an older layed back guy..
He's probably more into coffee cafe's and donut shops then party's..
And kicking back at home on the couch watching the T.V...
With his wife..... 

Columnist Ray Orrock retires after 35 years

To spend more time with his wife Marlene of 54 years and four children.
Now you know where he gets his humor from..
You need all the humor you can get to raise four children...
2 is hard enough...

Ray will be missed..

He included this in his section ..

The Quote Rack...

" The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from
the guys who are undecided. "

Casey Stengel

Also...

WEEKLY WIT- WRENCHER

-- I think it's about time we had a Wit-Wrencher strickly for dog lovers.
I'm not sure todays's poser qualifies, but give it a try anyway:
If a pup is worth a pooch and a mutt....
.... and a pup and a pooch are worth one bird dog...
... and two bird dogs are worth three mutts....
How many pooches is a pup worth ?

( Answer Below ) 


WIT-WRENCHER REVISITED..

A pup is worth five pooches.
( Yeah , this was a tough one. Did you get it ?
Good boy ! Here's a milk bone. )


He just liked to play fun quiz's...

He will be truely missed for sure...

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LynnMcLaren

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Reply with quote  #22 
Extra Work Load For Women...

Do men and women share work equally around the home ?
Not according to a survey carried out by the German Federal Office of Statistics.

Economists Norbert Schwartz and Dieter Schafer asked 7,200 households to analyze and record...
the amount of time spent doing work around the house.
The survey included such jobs as washing the dishes, shopping, careing for a sick relatives, and tinkering with the car.

" Irrespective of weither they have a job or not, women spend about twice as much time performing unpaid work as men,"
reports the Suddeutsche Zeitung...

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Reply with quote  #23 
Most of us if not all of us know who Barbie and Ken is..
Well I just recieved this and I guess this is a satire baby boomer
take on the subject... Of.... Interesting...... 

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Reply with quote  #24 
READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END- THE RE'S A TRICK TO IT. 

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully.. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn  
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.
  

3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie.. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier- sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.



5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.


6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines  
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.
  


7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.


8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
 
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."



9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
  


10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. . Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. 



11. Post-Menopausal Barbie This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.



If you forward to 11 people a video comes on your screen. This works. I don't know how...but it works This is the coolest thing I've ever gotten!


All you have to do is send it to 11 people and this little video comes up on your screen and shows the funniest clip.. I can't tell you what it is, but I couldn't stop laughing so hard I was crying! So spend a few seconds to send this and you'll be glad you did !

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Reply with quote  #25 

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
Observing his wife turning back
And forth, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off, he asked
What she'd like to have for her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied, still
Looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
Made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms,
And then took her to Six Flags
Theme park. What a day ! He put her on every
Ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster... Everything
There was. Five hours Later they staggered out
Of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her
Stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he
Ordered her a Happy Meal with
Extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a s oda pop,
And her favorite candy,
M&M's. What a fabulous adventure ! Finally she
Wobbled home with her
Husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
Lovingly asked, Well Dear,
What was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression
Suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you dummy  !!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is
Listening, he is going to get it wrong.

SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH..... AND TO
MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE  IT...((( Smiles )))
 


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Reply with quote  #26 
And also.....
Quote of the Day...

Always be sincere...
If you say something,
but your body language or tone of voice conveys another message ,
then trust will be hard to build..

Say what you mean and say it clearly....

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Reply with quote  #27 

New Sign of a Stroke -- Stick out Your Tongue

 

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters.. S.T.R.

[]

 

My friend sent this to me and encouraged me to post it and spread the word I agree. If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks. Seriously.. Please read:

 

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

 

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm , Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

 

It only takes a minute to read this...

 

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

 

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

 

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!

 

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke

 

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

 

S * Ask the individual to SMILE.

 

T * Ask the person to TALK to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE(Coherently) (I.e. It is sunny out today)

 

R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

 

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

 

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.


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Reply with quote  #28 
 Time passes.
 
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there,
no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away
than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you
have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life
will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on,
praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk
beside you...Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,
daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers,
Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended
family, all bless our life!

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Reply with quote  #29 
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we
would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
Pass this on
to all the women who help make your life meaningful.
I just did.
Short and very sweet:
There are more than twenty angels in this world.
Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds.
Nine are playing.
And one is reading her email at this moment.
Send this message to ten of your friends
including me.
If you get 5 replies,
someone you love will surprise you.
Happy days

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